|The [last name] Journals
||[Jul. 12th, 2006|10:05 pm]
George made waffles for breakfast and carved a heart shaped salt lick for Benjamin.
Dick made tea too.
After breakfast, he gave us a tour. There was a room for everything! Spelunking to urinating; it was amazing.
We had lunch, which was curd cod, then swam not ten minutes afterwards. Ahaha! The evility!
Suddenly!! Enthuse-o-woman appeared out of the fog.
"I am the enthused one! Enthuse-o-woman! Fighting crime with only my EXTREME POWER OF ENTHUSIASM! YOU THERE I SERIOUSLY REALLY SERIOUSLY THINK YOU SHOULD REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLY STOP COMMITING THAT CRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What crime?" asked Dick.
"You're swimming! You ate! And now you're swimming!!"
"Is it illegal to swim less than an hour after swimming?"
"No. BUT I'M ENTHUSED ABOUT THE MATTER!"
"Okay," we all agreed and went back inside.
We spent the remainder of the day in the trampoline and jelly room playing The Game of Life. George won!
The next day we found Enthuse-o-woman dozing on Dick's couch.
George and Dick approached carefully!
"I AM AWAKE!!" Enthuse-o-woman announced as she leapt up, giving as all a big fright.
Enthuse-o-woman clambered into the nearby helicopter and burst through the top of the bubble, escaping once again.
Then Jess walked in out of her bedroom and there was a huge explosion heard in the distance.
Jess asked, "What was that?"
"Enthuse-o-woman was sleeping on our coach, then she got in the helicopter and flew away. I hope that explosion wasn't the sound of her demise," Dick replied.
"I don't think that likely. No, I'm quite sure Enthuse-o-woman will continue to stop crime using her enthusiasm in periodic adventures, each more exciting and sexy than the last!" Jess said with a cheesy grin.
Nobody spoke for several suspicious seconds. Jess' smile faded.
"So, what's for lunch?" Jess asked.
"Egg salad," replied George.
The air was thick with tension and suspect.
"Tasty," said Jess.
"Yes. It does sound tasty," I said.
"Indeed," said Dick.
"We're also having a barbecue," added Ben.
"Nosauges?" asked Jess.
"And eggplant smeared with fetta," I answered.
"Fantastic," said Jess.
"Yes," I said.
"Jess. Are you Enthuse-o-woman?" Dick accused.
The plot thickened! Thickened like gooey, gooey custard... with a hint of vanilla. Could it be? Tune in to find-
"Of course not! How is that even possibility? I mean, how is that possible? You just saw her and then I came out! It just couldn't have happened. Besides. She's much hotter than I am," said Jess.
"Hmm. That is true," replied Dick.
"But what about those shoes you're wearing?" asked George.
"THEY'RE BOOTS!!" Jess said, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
"They're replica boots! I'm part of the Enthuse-o-woman fan club," said Jess.
"Ohhh! Me too. Lunch?" asked Ben.
"Sure, sure," said Dick.
We found Ben drugged by the pool in the morning. Well, he seemed more drugged than usual, anyway.
"omg im floating on thhe moon," said Benjamin.
"Ahaha! Ben is cah-razy," I commented.
"im in peach paridise'" said Ben.
"Okay, he's possibly not just high on life anymore," I said.
Then George said "Oh... my. God! My Benny! My little Benny! Stay with me! We may have been to paradise but we still haven't been to me!"
Ben woke and said to George, "Hey there, pretty lady," then he promptly passed out.
"Come on, Ben. This is not your time. Come on, wake up," said a stranger who had just appeared.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"My name is Jesus Christ, who the hell are you?"
We all stared at this mysterious psycho claiming to be a religious icon. I mean, really!
"Jesus" poured a bucket of water onto Ben's face.
"hidden mysteries!!!" Ben yelped as he awoke.
"Someone must have drugged him... but who!?" I questioned.
"Whom," corrected Dick.
"Oh, fuck off, Dick!" said Jess.
"I owe you everything, Mr...?" Ben said.
"Christ," said "Jesus".
"Mr. Christ. Thank you very much for saving my life! I wish I could repay you."
"You could try. I'm being crucified this afternoon, but it's probably a lost cause."
"Yes, it probably is! Goodbye!"
So, as it turns out we're nearly home.
As for the case of Ben's drugger, it's a mystery never to be unravelled.
This next scene may seem a bit risqué!
I woke up to everyone circling around my bed like vultures... in a conga line... singing "More, more, more! How do you like it? How do you like it?"
"Asleep!!" I yelled.
But wait, where was Jess?
"Where's Jess?" I asked.
The others continued to sing and danced right out of my room.
Then the bubble came to a sudden halt. We must be home, I thought.
Within a few minutes, hundreds of gangrenous, rotting people started crawling and stumbling onto the top of the bubble, trying to claw there way in.
Everyone gathered, once again, around my bed. But they weren't dancing this time.
"Does this mean what I think it means?" asked Jess. Why is it that she's always absent when Enthuse-o-woman's around?
"It must. The people of Australia have clearly all turned into zombies. There is no other possible explanation," said Dick.
"It's probably for the best," I said.
"It's kind of beautiful, really," said Ben.
George got down on one knee.
Ben said "Oh, thank you. I really need a shoe polish. What are you looking at?"
"Ben, will you make me the happiest man alive?"
"What, happier than Jason Starr?"
"Well, I'll give it a go! Everyone, we're getting married!"
"Hoorah!" we all cheered.
Then Dick said "I'm awfully sorry to bring everyone down, but how do we get away?"
"Never fear, Jesus is here!"
"I thought you died!" said Ben, annoyed.
"Shut up! Don't you know the story? Anyway, I believe with the help of my trusty friend, Enthuse-o-woman, we can get you out of here. Where is she?”
Jess said "Err, we haven't seen her for a few minutes. She's probably dead."
"I don't think so."
"I have to urinate!" announced Jess.
Then Enthuse-o-woman appeared!
"MY GOOD FRIEND, JESUS! HOW ARE YOU, PAL?"
"Not bad. I'm feeling a little undead, but you know."
"NOT A ZOMBIE, THOUGH?"
"GREAT! SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN?"
"Well, I figure I'll turn the water into custard and you'll just stand around and comment on what a fantastic job I'm doing."
And so they did.
"YEAH! NOW LET'S RIDE THIS TURKEY TO PARADISE. OR MEXICO!"
"What turkey?" I questioned.
"THE CATS THEN!"
Then George said "We'll see you after our honeymoon. We're going to Zew Nealand.”
And so, we rode the unusually strong cats across the custard sea in search of a less infested land.