?

Log in

The [last name] Journals - Sure Ph4t: the sure way to ph4tness! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Sure Ph4t

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Links
[Links:| Creator: Jess. Creator: Ret. Insanity: Ben. ]

The [last name] Journals [Jul. 6th, 2006|10:30 pm]
Sure Ph4t

sure_ph4t

[ret05]
Day Three

We awoke with a jolt to the rib cage as we bumped into the shore.

Being stuck on a not-so well equipped ship for nearly two days, my bladder was killing me. I bolted! Ran freely out of my confines, and dispelled my urine!

Then the island's small Indian boy walked up to me with a spear in his hand.

Apparently the island's inhabitants thought urinating on other's shores is a very offensive thing to do. But it was not too offensive. We were warned, but all was forgiven.

They greeted us warmly, especially a pirate named Natalie and a charming young man named George whom we all fell for instantly. Especially Benjamin; he simply couldn't stop talking about how dreamy the man was.

They were a very kind sort of people to give us food and shelter. Except their leader, Di, but they all disobeyed her on a regular basis.

The Educator, they called her. I thought it sort of a cute, ironic nickname. Like calling a red-head blue, or an incredibly fat person thiny.

The people of the island were easily amused. They were very deprived of entertainment, having to suffer daily, mind numbing lectures from their leader. She claimed it was a sacrifice to the gods, and that they would've been struck down if it weren't for the sacrifice. I thought the whole thing suspicious.

As I was saying, they were easily amused and they loved our humour, so we put on a show that night and they paid us handsomely with food, washing liquid and pie. We didn't have much use for their currency, monkey bile, but Ben insisted we took some.

We agreed to leave after lunch the next day and announced it to our new island friends. Afterwards we started to make our way to our quarters.

Before we retired Natalie, our swashbuckling pirate friend, approached us. "Let me leave with you tomorrow!" she pleaded. So we agreed to let her come along. The more the merrier, we agreed. Plus, she said she'd bring food and board games.

Immensely pleased with our lack of progress, we went to bed.

Day Four

We woke in the morning.

I bet you didn't see that one comin', eh?

Ben wasn't in his quarters. We searched for him, asked around. Natalie told us he was on the shore. With George.

We let them be, after all they didn't have much time 'til they were to be separated. Ah, young love. Tragic.

We decided to start packing, so we headed towards our canoe. Jessica discovered that our compass had been taken! Natalie explained that the animals loved directional devices. "YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!" Jess cried.

"They're monkeys, actually." Natalie corrected.

When we went back Ben was there, so we explained our disaster. George came sprinting at the worried look on Ben's face. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"The apes-"

"Monkeys," Natalie interrupted.

"Whatever! They've taken our compass," Jess explained.

"I have an inbuilt compass in my left calf," George said, "May I come with you? I wanted to anyway, this just gives me some use."

"I always wondered why you constantly faced North," said Jess.

We couldn't believe it, it was a miracle.

The dingy was going to be a tight fit, but we'd try our best. Besides, we had Cluedo! The version with Reverend Green!

It was hard to say goodbye. We had dined with them, traded with them, slept with them. I- uh! Not like that. Purely innocent, I swear. Top to tail and all that.

I think Benjamin was more relieved to leave, though. The villagers had hounded him for any scrap of hilarity. He had lost 83kgs in jokes alone.

Day Five

So, things were going swimmingly. That is to say, the yacht was going to sink from our weight if we didn't swim around it.

But it wasn't too bad. The only game we missed out on playing was Twister and I didn't want to play it anyway. Too touchy-touchy.

Suddenly!! Out of the water, arose a Dick! Of course, we didn't know that was his name at the time, but it was his name nevertheless.

He was enclosed in a giant bubble. It was massive! Really brilliant, we thought.

Anyway, he arose and opened his hatch.

"Hiya! Me names Dick, pleased to meet you all," said Dick.

He seemed friendly, slightly shy and extremely English.

"Havin' a spot of trouble with your yatch, I see."

"Yes, it can't take our weight. But we're okay, we can still play Cluedo, the version with the Reverend!"

"Ah. Well, would you like to travel in my bubble anyhow? I have checkers and tea."

"And haggis?" asked Benjamin, eagerly.

"No, no. I'm English, not Scottish."

"Bean curd golden bags, then? You must have some!"

"No, English!" Dick replied.

Jess interjected, "We'd love to take you up on your kind offer, sir."

"Marvellous!"

"You really are English, aren't you, Dick?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied.

So, we boarded the bubble vessel.

It was so stylish, with plush carpeting underfoot and expensive art. Also, it had rooms only visible from the inside.

This was all a little too good, I had to get to know Dick further.

"So, Dick. Live alone?"

"No, I live with me cats. There's Pussy-willow now."

"Pussy-willow? Err, how many cats are there, I wouldn't have thought they could live like this," I said.

"There were five yesterday, but Tinkles had a litter this morning. I travel to the shore once a week for supplies, so they're well fed and all that. They don't mind being in the bubble, surprisingly."

"Um, why do you live in a bubble?" I asked.

"It's protection from the underwater-lazar-shooting-but-not-too-scary-because-they're-very-slow-you-see, zombies."

"What!?"
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: swear_jar
2006-07-08 01:32 pm (UTC)
OH NO CLIFFHANGER TELL ME MORE I'LL FADE AWAY WITHOUT MORE.

P.S. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVAAAAAAAAAHR!!
(Reply) (Thread)