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The [last name] Journals [Jul. 3rd, 2006|11:59 pm]
Sure Ph4t

sure_ph4t

[ret05]
[Sure Ph4t employees hear: |Tom Vek - I Ain't Saying My Goodbyes]

The [last name] Journals
The trip that didn't take lives but could have if it had actually happened

Description: I wrote a novellette (even though it's not technically long enough to fit into that category). It's got all your favourite characters, such as Jess, Ben, George Neegus, Jesus and many more! Sorry for the inevitable typos. It's totally awesome, just read this small parental little boy endorsement by Jess herself!

Foreword
By Jessica [last name] III

I have known Ms. [last name] for many years, unfortunately.

On the subject of her character, I feel it is my duty to let you know that she is a beach ball of a person, who tends to devour all that is in her path. The destructive force of her body is only matched by her shifty pathologically lying mind.

I will have no part in this travesty of a farce, and wish my name to be stricken from all records pertaining to this record of our ill fated trip.

You will be hearing from my lawyers, Loretta.

- Jessica [last name] III.
P.S.: I will not write you a foreword, you pork pie eating, chowder headed shark baiter.

Day One

We started off at approximately twelve o'clock. It was a very sunny day with blue skies as far as the eye could see. It disgusted us all, not a very positive start to the day, and for that matter the entire trip.

Benjamin started rocking violently back and fourth not ten minutes into the trip, clearly missing his parents and beloved dog, Nibsy.

Yes, every great journey must have a beloved pet. That is the only reason Benjamin was aloud to travel with us. I don't know why I didn't just go alone.

Sorry, not being very "up beat" as I hear you scrumptions saying these days, on with the story!

Five hours into the trip, Benjamin finally got the idea of Jessica's beatings, his survival instincts kicked in and he stopped the rocking.

We had tea at seven sharp. We all brought our own, tomato soup for Jess, salt lick for Benjamin, creamed cabbage for me.

We hadn't known each other for long, so things were a little awkward between us all. But never mind, the foul noises of slurping and licking kept us all amused until bed time.

Day Two

This day was not a good day. It was an average day.

Even with the drama of the pirates, sinking, rebuilding the ship from underneath in an abandoned parachute supported by logs and the tentacles trying to get at us in a seamy manner, we did indeed manage to get incredibly, shockingly, unbelievably, excruciatingly bored out of our averagely sized little heads!

Golly, that's ironic, 'ey? Averagely sized, yet still little? That doesn't seem particularly likely to me.

We started to run out of supplies. Darn that Benjamin and his careless ways! So, we thought we'd try to land on that island over there! Over there!

So, we plotted our course and went to bed.

I thought that day couldn't have gotten any worse. But then, none of us got a lot of sleep that night. The whales sounded very hungry.

To be continued...
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: swear_jar
2006-07-03 02:13 pm (UTC)
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART OF THIS EXCITING THRILLING STORY. I PREDICT IT CAN ONLY GET MORE THRILLING AND EXCITING.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ret05
2006-07-08 12:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, it doesn't.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ret05
2006-07-08 01:27 pm (UTC)
Divorce! - Jess. Can't be bothered signing in/out.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)